September 9th, 2015 just an ordinary Wednesday. My husband Kyle was off shift, we spent half the day enjoying being home with each other for a change. As the afternoon went on, we got ready to head to some friends house to watch their kids so they could go on a date night. As we drove along our road we saw a smoke plume that appeared to be close, so we called to find out where the location of the fire was. We were told it was on Butte Mountain in Jackson...a good distance from our home and nothing to fret about.
As we played with our friends kids outside their home we noticed the smoke plume was getting bigger, the sky was getting darker and deep inside I was fearful that somehow that fire that seemed "so far away from our home" wasn't going to stay far much longer. Another hour or so passed and Kyle received a phone call from his sister letting us know that he needed to get home because the fire was 3 nautical miles from our home. Well, we carpooled to our friends home, so he left and I stayed back with the kids. By the time Kyle had gotten to hwy 26, which leads to our road, law enforcement had already closed it due to the fire being too close. Thankfully Kyle had his CalFire uniform in his car so he was let through. Once he got to the house he could see the fire a couple ridge lines over from our home. So at that point he knew we would need to start packing and prepare to leave our home. Kyle called me and told me I needed to get home and would have to drive the back way to get in, so long story short my sister who lives right around the corner from our friends came to stay with the kids and I took her car to go up to our house.
It took me nearly an hour to get home due to me having to drive the back roads to get there. That night we stayed up until about 11:30 PM watching the fire creep closer and closer our direction. Thankfully Kyle was in contact with a firefighter he used to work with and was able to get updates from him to let us know the fire activity and if we would need to evacuate or not. By the time we went to bed, we were told that the wind had shifted and we should be in the clear. Well, lines went down that night and our phones lost service, it was pretty spotty so receiving and sending text messages was a challenge. We woke up at 6AM the next morning only to wake to thick smoke and ash falling from the sky making appear like it was a beautiful snowy morning. We then drove up to our neighbors house to their lookout to see just how close the fire was but the smoke was too thick and we really couldn't tell where it was at. After spending a little time there we decided that it be best we leave. So we loaded Kyle's car and my sisters with what we had packed. As I shut our front door, my heart sank, my eyes filled with tears and I realized this may be the last time we ever walk out that door. The door that lead into what we called home, the walls that made us feel secure, the structure that we put so much time and effort into making it what we wanted it to be, the place where we started our marriage and family, the home we looked forward to bringing our first baby who is due this upcoming January home to...the place that we felt most comfortable at.
As we left in a rush to beat the flames, we went to the Jackson Airport where our family has our family business. We weren't the only ones in our family with our home possibly being at risk. Kyle's dad who lived in the main house on the same property as ours also evacuated, as well as Kyle's uncle who lived five miles up the road from us. The airport hangar became the place we would stay until we could get back up to our property to find either devastation of our homes or the slim chance that a miracle happened and they still be standing.
The next two days seemed to drag, the not knowing of our homes conditions, and being able to see the glow of the fire at night from the airport left us feeling as though there was no hope. But Kyle and I chose to do our best to cling to a small glimpse of hope, we didn't want to let the emotion of our homes being lost hit us until we saw our property for ourselves. Though maps and news didn't prove much hope to be true, we still wouldn't believe our home was gone until we saw it for ourselves.
The day finally came, September 12, 2015--the sky was still thick with smoke, which had spread to all the surrounding counties of where the Butte Fire was burning. With being pregnant the smoke was really started to affect how I felt, I was getting sick and feeling really light headed. So as Kyle, his two sisters and dad prepared to make the drive up to the property. We thought it best I stay back because if the smoke was this thick at the airport, what would it be like at the property? The time drug on as I patiently awaited a phone call from Kyle to update me on the status of our home. Finally, my phone rang but it wasn't Kyle, it was actually our Pastor Mark and assistant Pastor Logan who had driven up to our property to try and find out for us the condition of our home. With how quickly and how much the fire burned over the past three days, none of us were sure if we would be able to get through roads and up to our home. So Mark and Logan had been driving all day trying to get to the homes of other church members to check on the status of the homes, as well as ours. They had beat Kyle and our family to the property--not knowing that Kyle and our family would be at the property within five minutes of them calling me. It was a phone call I will never forget, the news that was hard for them to give me i'm sure left them feeling just as sad as I was. That hope that we clung to was shot down, and the reality of "home" being completely gone hit me like a freight train, but in the midst of that emotion the old hymn Peace Like a River kept playing through my mind... "When sorrows like sea billows roll, whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well with my soul."
Within minutes of getting off the phone with Mark, Kyle called me and he said something to me that I will never forget, and that was "Baby, I know you already talked to Mark, but this isn't the time that we break. This is the time that we need to rejoice because if we start breaking now then we aren't going to get through this. We need to cling to the promise of God's will and find peace in all of this. We have each other, our daughter on the way and our family is safe."
I'm not quite sure how he was so strong in that moment or how he kept it together because I was a blubbering mess on the other end of the phone. When I hung up, those words he said to me so softly played over and over in my head and made me start thinking even deeper.
What really matters? How much time and effort do we put into "things" that make us happy, into a structure that makes us feel secure? Have an amount of love for a place that quite frankly can be turned into ashes in a hot second... So once again I ask, what really matters in your life? Is it easy to lose your home, the place that you put time and effort into making it "home"? No. Not at all, in fact I've been writing this blog over a course of three days because it's still a hard reality for me that our home and everything that belonged to us is gone. But through all of this i'm realizing that it's ok to find security in your home and find a little happiness in your "things". But not to a point where that place or those things will determine your happiness permanently. Our happiness is found in Christ, in our salvation, He blesses us with things like a home, "stuff" and other random things that put a smile on our face. But ultimately, He gives and He can take away as He sees fit. Life isn't always going to go in the direction that we want it to go, we aren't always going to have the same home, or things that made us happy. Reality is, we need to be ok with that, because like Pastor Logan said the Sunday after the fire, "What do you have that a thief or fire can't take from you? Everything, but your faith."
Are we hurting from the loss of our home? Yes. But through all of this we have seen the hand of God work through all of this. This has been a huge opportunity for Kyle and I to hold fast to our faith, to walk in our faith and be an example of what we say we believe in. We aren't the only ones that lost a home. Kyle's dad, his uncle along with hundreds of others in surrounding areas that the Butte Fire touched lost everything. 503 homes were lost in this fire. We believe that there are 503 different reasons that God allowed this fire to happen, and we will witness each reason eventually. Seeing the community, churches, surrounding counties and strangers reaching out to those in need has been one reason that makes me ok with this fire taking our home. Peoples lives have been touched in ways I don't think they saw were possible, including Kyle and I. We are in awe of the support, care, love, resources and helping hands that have been there and continue to walk this journey with us. Another blessing I see from this destruction and tragedy is the growth i've seen in my marriage. Kyle and I have had to be strong for one another, encouraging and supportive in a time of anger and pain in a way we've never had to before. A fire can strip us of a home and belongings but it can't take our faith or love for each other. We are walking in victory through this, there will be beauty from these ashes.
We have a lot of work ahead of us, especially when it comes to the rebuild process, but this we know, we have an amazing testimony to share with others and a lifetime to rebuild what was lost. And if the Lord sees fit for our work and labor to be taken away again, so be it. It's only a place, stuff and material things that this life has to offer. My savior offers eternal life. We were put on this earth to be a witness of His grace and mercy.
We will always cherish the memories and moments that we shared in our little home that was burned, and i'm sure we will always miss that home. But as each day passes and we walk in milestone, we are seeing more and more how blessed we are and what a story we have to share with others in hopes that our testimony can be of help to someone else in a time of need. It's now November 2, 2015...close to two months has already passed since the fire took our home, but what an incredible two months it's been. We are so excited for these next months to come, especially for the arrival of our daughter, Kinslee Harper. We hope to be in our new home back at the property by the time she is here, but we will see if that happens ;p For now we will continue to stay in our fifth wheel while the rebuild process takes place.
Kyle and I are excited we will be able to take our baby to the property our home once stood on and show her the journey we've been walking. The fire may have burned hundreds of acres and homes, but what a beautiful place we get to live in. We are blessed.
