March 22, 2014 with an anxious heart full of joy and excitement I got ready to walk down the isle and become a wife to an amazing man.
Well here's what I have to say about all of those rude, outrageous, unnecessary, most discouraging comments people said to my husband and I during out engagement. Now, I have to say, we did have some really great encouraging comments that I am so grateful for, it wasn't all negative! But as I write this knowing we have many friends that are preparing for marriage this year, I hope and pray you are all blessed by this. You guys know who you are ;)
It's January 4, 2015. we are a little over two months away from celebrating our first year of marriage. and let me tell you, what an amazing, joyful, fun, exhausting, adventurous privilege it's been being a wife to Kyle. I would be lying if I claimed that it's all been peaches and cream, because believe me it hasn't been. We've had our tiffs, tears and frustrations, but though the grace of God we got through those little arguments that seemed so big at the time and learned from it.
This is what leads me to talk about a few things that i've learned and how all of those awful comments that were said to us during our engagement is false. I do realize that every single human beings relationships have differences and challenges that others may not face, but if you have Christ as the center of the relationship, that in itself is a huge common core that has the power to overcome anything!
The first thing that has stuck out to me most since being married is to pick your battles. What is worth the fight and what isn't. Something small like getting upset with my husband because he seems to be able to put his dirty clothes anywhere BUT the hamper. It drives me NUTS!!! But, is it worth copping a attitude and arguing over it? Probably not. Have I gotten mad over it? yes...but I've learned that it's just not important to be so upset over something so small...and since having that realization guess what!? He puts his dirty clothes in the hamper...most of the time :p It's little things like dirty clothes on the floor or him not offering to scrub the toilets or bathtub more that just doesn't matter! Lets face it, i'm boarder line OCD and he's...well he just isn't a freak about being as clean as I am. I've learned that asking my husband in a normal tone of voice and not copping an attitude that is supposedly intimidating, makes it so he is more willing to help me out or change whatever it is that drives me nuts. Patience, a calm tone and communication is KEY to avoiding small little arguments that can turn into something huge.
The second thing i've learned is how doing things with my husband that he just loves means the world to him. Though it may not be my favorite cup of tea, he likes it and for some reason when I do random things with him that seem totally boring in my mind, it just makes him think i'm one awesome wife. Things like working in our shop with him on our street bikes when it's 30 degrees outside (or colder) and wrenching on them while my hands and feet freeze. I love working on the bikes, but not when I'm cold. I hate being cold, hate it...but those moments of bundling up and facing the freezing cold with my husband means the world to him. Or things like waking up with him at 3:00 AM and making him breakfast and coffee before he leaves to make the long drive to his station. Gross, 3:00 in the morning!? gahhh getting out of my warm cozy bed that is completely embracing me to go make him breakfast and coffee??? yep. just do it, why not? Why not enjoy those little moments and bless him, especially when he is the one getting up to go provide for us and keep the roof that we have over our heads?
Those are only a couple examples of things that aren't really my favorite but have made a difference in our relationship and helped us to grow closer and also see the correlation of how Christ loves us and sacrifices for us. The importance of keeping God first, husband second and myself last has been something that doesn't just come naturally. We are all human, strong willed, some more than others, myself being one of them. Seriously though, it's not easy having that order and maintaining it well without lashing out...it's something that i've found to be a daily choice and something I have to choose to walk in. I've failed many times, but thanks to the love Kyle has for our Savior he gently corrects me.
Now, I will close with this last realization that i've learned in the past almost year of marriage. Take PRIDE in your husband correcting you. It's not fun or easy, but it's worth it and something i've learned to appreciate. Kyle doesn't take pleasure in correcting me just as much as I don't like it in the moment. But if he didn't do that, how would I ever know what bugs him or frustrates him or hurts him? In my mind if things go unspoken that's more damaging then enduring a correction and working towards fixing the issue. God calls the man to be the leader for a reason, and its up to us ladies to realize that and do our best to respect that. I think that we are allowed to have and voice our opinions but ultimately it's Christ that tells our husbands how something should be or go...including our actions and attitude.
There are many other things that i've realize throughout our marriage, but these three things have saved a lot of heartache and arguments in our relationship. All of those negative comments that were said during our engagement are invalid and what I believe satan uses to try and rip us apart. Marriage is beautiful, it's fun, rewarding, exhausting, exciting, and something that is to be worked on daily and cared for. I am grateful for marrying "at a young age" and "enduring the first year"....it's been an honor an privilege and something that has become my favorite thing about life. Here's to almost one year and many more to come.
